I Made a Mashup. Yay!

So, one thing I love is a good mashup song. As in, take two or more songs that have nothing really to do with each other, and combining them in some way. I like this, just to see how a song is used differently than normal. So it was only a matter of time before this happened:

 https://soundcloud.com/trevor-m-lewis/good-time-vs-what-makes-you-beautiful.

That's a mashup between two popular 2012 radio songs - "Good Time" by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen as the instrumental, and "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction for vocals. Why? Because I downloaded some acapellas and instrumentals that people made and these were the two I downloaded that fit mosts closely in BPM (beats per minute, for those less musically inclined) and in key. Good Time is BPM about 126 and key of E flat, One Direction's is about 123 and in E.

Really, even if no one cares, I'll still be doing this. It's just too much fun for me. :) And hopefully I'll get more creative than just two songs. This one I literally threw together in, like, 24 hours in my spare time. So, we'll see.

A Little History Lesson On My Mind

(Oh, yeah, I made a blog months ago. Those have posts on them. I should try that out.)

This is that one post where I share a bit about my life.

It's also pretty long. I warned you.

Why I'm Such A Weird Person

The Story of That Weird Kid Down The Street Who Only Eats Mayonnaise on Saltines

Why I Have The Same Personality As Owl City

Geez, Kid, There's More To Life Than Pokemon!

Answers To Some Of The Questions You Wondered But Didn't Ask Because You Didn't Know Me That Well And Because You Didn't Care All That Much And Because Quite Frankly, You Really Weren't Sure You Really Wanted To Know The Answer, Even Though It Really Wasn't That Big Of A Deal After All

Screw The Title, I Have Words

You Know You Do This For Every School Paper

How To Lose Friends And Annoy People

Nevermind, let's just tell the story.

So, once upon a time, I was born. I know, crazy, right? Well, I wasn't really normal. Because normal kids don't lay down and swing their heads backwards against the wall repeatedly. At least, I don't think they do.

("That explains a lot." Oh, shut up.)

So, naturally, my parents were a bit worried. They already had one kid with a big mental disability - my brother Cameron, who has Down syndrome. Two wasn't really what they needed right now.

So, time rolled on, and my parents came to the conclusion that I was most likely autistic. If you don't know what autism is, let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Essentially, in autism, the nerves do not interpret things quite right. This causes various things, including difficulty communicating, not naturally picking up on social norms, certain repetitive and/or restrictive behaviors, and sensory issues. There's not really any known cause. Some have suggested it's caused by immunizations, but that's since been proven false.

So, it was decided that was what I had. It made sense - I was very fixated on topics, at the time mumbling the alphabet under my breath, having already taught myself to read words like 'elephant' at age 2. My tantrums were silent, seeing as I hated loud noises - I'd just sorta collapse on the ground, give a quick movement every now and then to signify I was upset. I'd probably live my life waving my hands around in front of a computer screen or something for sensory stimulation, unable to really process through life.

Then, well, we really don't know what happened next.

I sorta just snapped out of it. Don't really have any good reason for why or how. It just sorta happened. It's not supposed to happen. Autism is an incurable condition. But, apparently it did.

Well, sort of. I figured out how to use words, and gained lot of cognitive skill. I figured out how to empathize with people, to some extent. I was completely fine with looking people in the eye now. The rest might have diminished - I don't know, I couldn't really see myself back then - but it was still there.

So, technically, yes, I was still autistic. But, it wasn't what you'd call "severe," or even moderate, really. So, instead, I was given the diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. Still an "autistic spectrum disorder," only not quite so debilitating. Much milder. And with that, I had a new diagnosis, and I had a possible future ahead of me!

...Mm, he's still really weird though.

What Asperger's Syndrome Meant For Me Next

So, now that I was semi-social, my parents decided preschool was a good idea. And, it probably was.

...What? I was, like, 5. I don't remember that much. I remember toy trucks and this one kid I liked to play with. That's it. Don't push me.

So, amidst my obsessiveness on educational stuff no one else would want to hear, my parents wanted me to find something less unusual to talk about. So, around these times my parents did something that today they probably consider a big, big mistake. But, in the end, it formed my childhood, gave me something I loved to do, and helped me make friends and memories. What was this that they did?

They introduced us to video games.

This may or may not have been me.

If the video doesn't play, click here.

Yeah. I liked video games. A lot.

Mostly with Pokemon. I was obsessed. You think you were obsessed with Pokemon as a kid? No. I was obsessed. Gameboy Color? Check. Pokemon Red, Blue, and Yellow? Check. Pokemon Stadium for N64? Check. Pokedex? Check. Giant plush Squirtle, which I slept with every single night for years to come? Check. About 48 or so wall stickers? Check. Blankets, with matching pillowcase? Check. All I was really missing was Ash's hat - which, oddly, it never occurred to me to get that.

And, whataya know? That type of obsession or fixation is one of the "repetitive/restrictive behaviors" in Asperger's.

I was also slightly preoccupied with looking what I perceived to be normal - unusual for an Asperger's kid. Somehow, I apparently decided smiling was a sign of weakness. Look at all my school pictures until about 5th grade - no smiles. Smiling is for the weak. Happiness is for the ignorant. (Okay, I wasn't that bad. I just looked depressed.) I also refused to let my mom kiss me in front of schoolmates. In kindergarten. Seriously, what 6-year-old cares about that?! But, I was the smart, independent one. They could have that, sure. But I was better than that, apparently.

Also, I remember refusing to do the chicken dance in PE. I got in a little bit of trouble for it, but I would never, ever stoop that low.

I was also ridiculously ahead of my age IQ-wise. I just looked at the board and was like, "Oh, we have Spanish at the end of today." And the other kids are just like, "What the heck, you can read that?"

Another little thing about Asperger's is that for some reason - it's not even part of the diagnostic criteria - we're really uncoordinated. Find someone with Asperger's that enjoys playing any sport. I dare you. (And chess doesn't count.) You won't. "Aspergians," as some call them, just can't get it that easily. In fact, that's the reason my handwriting is so awful. My wrist coordination isn't good enough to form letters with nice, even curves. Lines? Okay, I'll write the letter A or T as many times as you like. Curves? No. That takes too much focus.

Just wrote this. Note the second R.

Let's See How Far We've Come

So, yeah, I grew up weird. But, I learned how to look normal, little by little. (Well, normal-ish.) I had some great friends I could talk to about whatever I was raving on and on about at the moment, and who didn't really care about my social quirks my Asperger's caused.

The interesting thing that I did in life is I somehow decided to set a goal to make one good friend for each year of school. I made a sort of mental chart - year of school one column, pic of friend next column, name of friend last column.

Oh, yeah, that's another Asperger's thing. Most people (unless I misunderstand this) usually think in formed sentences, sort of like a conversation with yourself. People on the autistic spectrum usually don't. There's a famous austistic woman named Temple Grandin who probably phrased how autistics think best in saying that we "think in pictures." For a long time, I didn't even know that that's how not how everyone thought.

Say the word cow? I picture a cow - facial shot at camera, blue sky background, grass poking up under it. Milk? Glass of milk, blue wallpaper behind it, plaid red tablecloth. Entrails? I'd prefer you didn't say that word too much.

Love? Dang it, you picked an intangible concept. So, my mind compensated - I see a pink heart, yellow background, quickly replaced by a picture of a hug, and my thoughts go on from there. I see pictures for pretty much anything. (I bet you didn't know that "Check Yes Juliet" by We The Kings was yellow, or that "Bulletproof" by La Roux was a dark blue, did you? Heh, I'll have to talk more about that in another post sometime.)

A pic of Temple Grandin.

That's not to say all of my thoughts aren't mentally "heard" rather than "seen." Some are more like sentences. But pictures are simpler for me. Interesting, Temple Grandin has also said that it's the same way animals think - and being a big enthusiast on the humane treatment of cattle as well as an austistic professional, she would be the one to know.

Eventually - probably around 5th grade-ish - is really where I started becoming more along the lines of "normal." People told me that they noticed I was becoming more social. Then, before 7th grade I move to New Hampshire, and so no one knew me when I was a really weird person. A new identity. Worked out pretty well in the end.

I still have quite a few of those aspects. But, I work on it pretty much all the time - figuring out those social skills I don't naturally pick up and such. I don't even really have anything I really fixate on anymore. I guess right now it could be psychology if you had to pick something, but it's not really an obsession. Just an interest I have right now. I still love my past interests - video games, music - but nothing is nearly as bad as my Pokemon obsession way back when. I checked the diagnostic criteria - if you were to check me for Asperger's syndrome today, I might - just barely - not qualify.

So, that's that. Part of who I am, though not the defining feature. So, feel free to ask questions, comment, complain, correct, whatever.

-Trevor M. Lewis

What The Heck Is This?!

What is an 18-year-old who barely talks doing making a blog?! Why would he do this? Well, I'll tell you. 'Cause I feel like it. 

I'm probably just gonna throw whatever I feel like on here. Whatever seems like a good idea. Something I've been thinking. Something cool. Something funny. An album review every now and then. What's been happening in my life lately. Whatevs.

So, if you're offering a penny for my thoughts, this is where they'll be. And keep the penny. Really, I don't need it. But thanks for the offer.

-Trevor